Wednesday, October 19, 2011

I Don't Want to Leave You Behind

I haven't felt like writing in forever. Lots of stuff has changed over the last month. I guess I'll make this short and to the point. After having the tumor removed on my bladder we found out that it was indeed cancer that had spread. We were all discouraged by the fact that it had traveled. A month later, which was last Tuesday, I had another PET scan. The scan showed that even though the tumor had been removed, the spot still lit up on the scan. It was still there. Monday during my appointment the doctor told me that he was stalling because he had nothing else to give me. He told us that hopefully the chemo I am having can keep things from moving or at least keep it slow. My question was this, "Am I dying?" He said, "We all die at some point." So I rephrased the question, "Do you think I am dying sooner than later?" He told me that he didn't want to sit around and act like everything was fine. His answer, "Yes". The chemo can only hold cancer in a certain spot for so long. I cried when I heard him say it out loud. I have always known it was a possibility but never heard it come out of anyone's mouth. The last thing he said was, "I'm not God, just a doctor, but a miracle from him is the only thing that can change this."  So, each day, sick or not sick, is one more day that I get to spend with Allie Anne. I'm not afraid to die, just afraid of who I am leaving behind.

I get a card in the mail almost every single day. Thank you for all of the support.


  1. None of us know how long we have with the people we'll someday leave behind. I know that you make the most of every single day, and I try to follow your example. You're amazing, and I love you!

  2. Summer, this weekend you were on my mind so much! I could not help but think of you when touring the halls of NLRHS and remembering the people that made life most memorable...that's you! I have always admired your zeal and humor even during unexpected times. Even through your pain, you have an amazing impact on me, not only as a mother or friend, but as a woman of God. I can only hope to have half of the strength you've shown. Your daughter is blessed to have you in her life and regardless of what God has for you, your thumbprint is in her life; I know this because you left one in mine years ago and I had not spent a quarter of the time with you she has! I love you and your strength! My prayers are with you and your family always.

    Chanda Anderson Akles

  3. Hey Summer, It's Tracy--Cody's ex-work buddy. You are still on our prayer list at church and we are a praying church :) You have been such an inspiration to me and to so many others. The influence from you thru this blog will go on and on. Your strength and love for your family shines through incredibly strong. Savor every day...God can give you many, many more! Thank you for sharing so openly.