It seems like it has been forever and I guess it has. Everyone has asked what has happened and I thought this would be easiest way to let everyone know. Here goes. The last time I posted was about the time that there was a tumor found on my bladder. The doctor removed as much as he could without doing something drastic that might be harmful. Since October, I have had 2 scans and they both showed that nothing was better but nothing was worse either. That has been good news to all of us even though the cancer is still there.
About a week ago, I started bleeding like crazy, but it was weird because it only happened when I went to the bathroom. Alan decided that I was losing so much blood that I needed to go to the emergency room. So off we went...and I was DISGUSTED because I hate going to the hospital as well as going to see new doctors. We went right back which surprised me and made me so happy with myself. After waiting for 3 hours, that attitude changed quickly. Of course, after getting there, there seemed to be nothing there..of course. Why does that always happen? It's like you can't breath until the point that you are dying and then when you get to the doctor, you suddenly have the clearest lungs in town. The point of this was that they sent me home. I know they thought I was crazy. So, all was well until 3 days later when it happened again. So I called the clinic and they told me to come in again. I was going 210 mph because I sure wasn't going to get there and everything be back to normal. After that visit, they checked me in to the hospital. I was there 5 days and this is what they found after 3 tests and two procedures. After a catheter, I was going to the bathroom with nothing but blood and no one knew why. My blood counts fell from 9.7 to 8.25. After receiving blood I went back up to 10.2 and by the end of the day I was back down to 8.24. This was crazy and everyone was scratching their heads. Bright and early the next morning, I headed back to the operating room to look for something else. The urologist found that the tumor on my bladder had covered the ureters and had I had waited to come in, the tumor would have caused kidney failure. Although the scans didn't show anything, the time the tumor had definitely changed in size. No way of cutting it out...nothing. The only choice is to remove the bladder. We still were told that it isn't a cure, but only a way to reduce the chances of the kidney's shutting down.
Off to my hematologist. Not such good new either. We talked about the chemo...it is just not working an more. It hasn't showed on the scans that the tumor was growing, plus there were slight traces of cells in other areas. He told me that it was like ivy growing up my body. He looked at me and said, "We are here...This is it.. It's time to give it all we have." I asked him to be honest and he told me that it's do or die. It was a long visit with lots of tears and disappointment. It seemed like all of the suffering that I've done was for nothing. What step do I have when I've done 6 or 7 surgeries, radiation, a recurrence and 2 rounds of chemo, which now has stopped working?
I went back to the surgeon last Thursday and we talked about the bladder and he told me that it would be a very painful death if something wasn't done. The bladder is going in the trash and the surgery is only 3 weeks away! I hate going through something so drastic knowing that I am coming out of surgery with nothing left to do. It could be 3 months, it could be three years. I've stopped chemo and will try and pick it back up in about 2 months. We are going to try a different drug that doesn't cure anything but can prolong dying. I've been struggling with this but each day gets a tiny bit better. And...I've started a bucket list. Alan and I joke around constantly. He said "With my luck, I will spend a gazillion dollars fulfilling your list and then you will live longer than all of us!" We just laughed even though it is a serious subject.
So, that is it in a nutshell! I'll try and update more than I have been. I just haven't been in the writing mood with everything going on! :)