So Much To Say

Well, first thing first...Disney World was amazing! Allie is the perfect age for it because she still believed all of the princesses were real. The look on her face as she watched the parades was priceless. There was one night at dinner when Prince Charming asked her to dance and she had such a big smile but still acted shy and it was so sweet it made me cry. It was one of the first nights we were there and I told Alan that it was one of the sweetest things I had seen in a long time. Our trip went great...until Alan had to call 911 for me. lol lol. Never a dull moment. On our last day there I kept kind of having fainting like spells but kept it to myself because I didn't want to miss one second at the parks. When we headed out, I almost fell down and that blew my cover. Later that night, I was still acting up and it ended up being dehydration and stress that was causing mini seizures. Strict instruction from the doctor was to drink 4 bottles of Gatorade a day. Well, I got there and decided I would have water once a day and a sprite here and there...Nowhere near the fluids I needed to be drinking. When all of this happened, I got a good long lecture from sweet ole Alan. I cant help but chuckle when he gets mad. He said, "SUMMER, this is the last time! I'm not kidding! The next time that you don't listen and do your own thing you can pack your bag and go to your moms or I'll put you in a nursing home!!" How do you not laugh at that when someone is so serious about it??  Point taken...I should and will listen from now on. I just always think I know better than everyone else. ;) I was so sad that my whole last day was spent inside but Allie didn't mind because she got to spend the whole afternoon at the pool. She's like a little fish so Mom stayed out with her until after 7 and she thought it was wonderful. Overall, it was everything that I had hoped for and even more. The important thing is the memories that I will always have of her little face in awe of everything.

There were times when I forgot about the cancer. I remember one day trottin out of our room and going to Epcot. Several people kept looking at me smiling and I thought "Oh, I must be looking really cute in my outfit today!" lol. I would just smile back and feel good about myself.  Later when my scarf kept moving around I remembered and then realized that's why people were smiling at me. I guess to be nice after staring for a minute. It kind of reminded me of a time when Alan and I first started dating.  We went to a hockey game and had a great time. He started staring in my eyes and then looking at my mouth. I thought, "Oh my gosh, he likes me so much he cant take his eyes off of me. I thought we were having a "moment" or something. Then all of the sudden he said..."Hey, you have a pimple right there." Here I was thinking I was all cute and thinking he was realizing how much he liked me and instead he was pimple searching. lol. 

I mentioned a few posts back about our little basset hound, Lucy.  She walked out of her room wagging her tail and I put her in the truck for the last time. I knew she was sick but I just didn't want it to be true. She started walking slowly and when I would call her from the deck her ears wouldn't perk up and she would just mosey on over to me. I chose to go to the vet alone, even though I knew what might happen. When I got there, the vet told me that there was no way to save her. "What if she got fluids and I took her back home? What if we continued the medication?" The vet told me that if I took her home she would eventually starve to death so at that point I knew I didn't have any other options. Alan texted me several times and I didn't answer because I wanted it to be time just spent with her. Weird feeling, but I knew that Alan would never understand or share the love I had for her and that's why I wanted it to be the two of us in her final hours. I sat down in the floor with her and talked to her and rubbed her ears. I loved that little girl! Right when I got home, I got in the shower and just thought about the last hour. The following afternoon, while doing laundry, I pulled out the shirt that I had worn at the vet. I just stood still looking at it and then smelled it...all over...hoping to find the slightest scent of Lucy on it. After I washed it, I threw it in the trash. I couldnt stand to even see it again because it hurt my feelings so bad. I also left her blanket that I had her wrapped in on the vet table for the same reason. :'(

Tomorrow is a big day for us. I am having another PET scan at 1:45 to see what the chemo has been doing for the last three months. I don't expect for it to be gone, but I do hope for shrinkage so that I know we are making progress. Ill get the results on Tuesday when I go for chemo. I'll report after the dr. visit.