Currently Glued to the Sofa

Not much to mention over the last couple of weeks. I went for chemo yesterday and the nurse told me my counts were really low to continue with chemo. I asked her to ask the doctor if I could go ahead with it anyway. He just laughed and said, "Don't you ever listen to me?" He always tells me I am so hard headed and wont listen to anything! So, I got to go ahead with it. I'll probably have to get blood again next week after taking this treatment on such low counts. After finding out my counts were low and I had started my treatment, mom called to tell me that Allie has strep throat. It was too late to turn back so I'll just have to keep myself locked away...not too bad at times. I'll get to watch my own movies and not Max & Ruby or Calliou! I've given up on the Gatorade fight and drink at least two a day. First it was giving up Starbucks, then Diet Coke, then caffeine and now it gets replaced with nasty Gatorade!

People always ask me how I deal with all of this. It's so hard to explain but while driving down the road the other day this came to mind. A much smaller scale but it feels like one would if they were dating a perfect guy, completely in love and then realizing it wasn't going to work out. Initially, you feel as if the world is over, you want to hide in the covers for days. And then each day becomes easier but every time it's mentioned you break down. Afterwards you get to the point where you accept it and life goes on. Then God has something else in store that you never would've thought of. You look back on it thinking, "Gosh, if I only knew this during that hard time". God knew all along what was best! It's the same feelings only much larger and deeper. Some people can relate to that and others think I've lost my mind! I think I am in the accepting it stage but not really to the good coming out of all of this stage.

It's hard to explain but chemo gives you what most call "Chemo Brain". After a while it becomes so comical. Allie was hungry the other day so I offered her chicken nuggets and some strawberries. She was all for it so I popped them in the microwave...takes 30 seconds. The timer was already set for 5 minutes so I left it and just thought I would just stop it in 30 seconds. 5 minutes later, when I heard the beep, i thought "what the heck was that noise?". Checked the house alarm and then checked my phone. Had no idea what it was until later when Allie reminded me she was hungry. Went in there and there were 4 pieces of something that looked like prunes...oh...guess I messed that up. I've also noticed that I see important papers or checks that need to be put in an important place so I put them somewhere that I know I can remember. Of course days later, Alan and I are digging the house apart trying to find my "important place". "SUMMER, just leave stuff alone! Glue yourself to the sofa and don't get up". That's become Alan's favorite line. I lose things, repeat myself 10 times, can't remember if I took my medicine today or if it was yesterday and try to do things that I've already done (clothes in the dryer, ironing stuff). Mom and I went to Target and went up to some car clicking the unlock button 5 times thinking the clicker was broken, before realizing it wasn't even my car. I was parked 4 rows over.

 Alan told me forever ago that when he was younger that I was his dream girl...lol. We were talking about it on the way to the doctor yesterday. Aww, how sweet I thought to myself. That was quickly followed by "Little did I know that you would cost me a fortune going to the doctor 500 times a week!" He was kidding of course but it was funny. I think of it this way...with chemo, I don't have to spend 5 dollars a day on a non fat latte, buy hairspray or mousse, I use a dime size amount of shampoo instead of a dollar amount, and I could go two months without cleaning out my ears because my scarf covers them, j/k on that one but that's all money saved! lol

I have been pretty happy the last couple of weeks. I've had a couple of scared moments but they usually only last a minute or two. We have spent lots of time laughing and doing stupid childish things and playing jokes on one another. My favorite... Keep on keeping on!