Ok, in my defense I didn't get out of the doctor until almost 6:30. :) I'm kind of up in the air with my feelings right now. Everything looked pretty much the same as last time but an area either in or next to my bladder lit up on the scan. The report said that it was suggested to have the bladder examined. So, our next step is to set up the procedure with Baptist. The clinic was already closed at 6:00 but hopefully we can get it done as soon as possible. They will look to see if it's possibly nothing or if they can see lesions or tumors once they get in there. Let's pray my bladder had a mind of its own on Monday and that everything will be fine. I don't think I will be fully satisfied until all of that is done and over! I'm trying not to panic until I know for sure.
Chemo brain is driving me crazy! The three of us took a little get away last weekend and every day there were several ridiculous moments. I'll highlight the top three. Saturday I woke up feeling pretty good and happy with myself. We all started getting dressed and Allie and I decided to have a race to see who could brush our teeth the fastest. Going fine....brusha brusha brusha and Alan walks in. "SUMMER, you are using my toothbrush!" While I start gagging and am totally grossed out he is jabbering, "I mean, how did you not know....I mean, my toothbrush is blue and yours is lime green...I mean, mine has so and so grip and yours has so and so grip." Ok buddy...you haven't used anyones toothbrush, I just used yours so put a sock in it. Seriously...who is the victim here? I am hanging over the toilet gagging. I know some people think it's fine and dandy but not me. URRRP...sorry I just got sick thinking about it. lol.
That was nothing. Let's move on to Saturday night. Laying asleep in the middle of the night. Alan jumps up..."Summer...something warm just hit my back." He's up flipping on the light and running around and looking crazy. We had a king bed for all of us and apparently Allie got sick...right on Alan's back. I was so happy it wasn't me, lol, until what happened next. I peeled my eyelids off of my contacts only to find steak and corn throw up all in our bed. Ha ha. So that ended up being my part in this whole catastrophe. I jump up ripping off the sheets at 3 or 4 in the morning. Here's the best part. When I filled out my reservation I just said..."2 adults, King please." So in the middle of the night I called to the front desk..."Ummm...yes...can I have some clean sheets sent up to my room." Lady says "What do you mean clean sheets?" I don't understand why that was a question. What else could I mean? I said "I need clean sheets, a fitted and flat sheet, sent to our room." Lady: "Ooookay...? Do you need anything else? Do you need pillow cases too?" So, I set the phone down to check them and came back and said, "Well, yes I need one. Well...wait a minute... let me see if there is anything on the other one. Yeah there is some on the other one too." We finally communicated and I hung up. OH MY GOSH! It was the middle of the night, I was half asleep and then realized I didn't tell her that my daughter was sick and it was all in the bed and that's why we needed sheets. I am very conservative and it was obvious after the fact that this lady thought something totally different was going on in room 235! I told the old man when he came to the door but of course Allie was passed out under the comforter so it looked like she didn't exist. I couldn't even sleep after that. How embarrassing? :) :)
And last but not least, day three. We are on our way home and decide to go through a drive thru because we were starving. Allie wanted McDonald's and Alan hates McDonalds. I pulled my map up on my phone and found something for him and her right next to each other. So off we go. I'm giving directions telling Alan to take exit 39B or whatever it was. "Go left, take a right, blah blah blah." After all, it was right off the interstate so we could be in and out in no time at all. Ten minutes off of the exit we are still looking and turning and he's frustrated and I'm hollering..."It should be right here." It was only 1 mile after the exit and we had been driving more than 10 or 15 minutes looking for it. Alan said, "Just, just, just...just give me my phone! Don't talk, give me my phone. SUMMER, where are we? This is 10 miles out of the way." I was going back and forth with him telling him to look at my phone, my phone cant be wrong. After 5 or 6 MORE minutes, chemo moment, I realized I had my phone flipped upside down! Every turn to the left should have been to the right and so on. We ate our food quietly after that. lol
The point of all of that was to say those annoying "Chemo Brain" moments make me so happy today when I'm feeling kind of uncertain about things.
Please continue prayers until I can work through this procedure. Love you all!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Eggs Anyone?
So, where have I been in the last month and a half? Many of you have asked me that question and then I stand there looking crazy because I just don't have a clue. Time seems to fly but when I think back nothing exciting comes to mind. In my last post I mentioned adopting a little dog from the Humane Society. She was in horrible condition but I was ready to save her. She didn't feel well and liked sleeping and being a vegetable so I thought we had something in common. Well, I got her on Thursday, named her Ruthie and then she died on Saturday! I mean...REALLY? I chuckle a little now, not because she died...that's really sad, but because how in the world does this happen THREE times in a row!??!? Alan took her to the vet and came back and looked at me and said, "Ummm...Seriously Summer...no more dogs!" If you invite me over, get a sitter for your dog first..I somehow seem to have an effect on the well being of dogs.
Treatments are still going. Sometimes good and sometimes not so good. We still go every other Monday and every Sunday night I start getting that feeling of standing in front of ten thousand people and not knowing the speech I need to present. My stomach just turns thinking about it. The doctor talked to us last month about the follow steps of my treatment. He told us that he was thinking of three steps and step one would be really long. Step one being chemo every other week, probably for about another year. He didn't touch on the last two steps but I think one is going to be the recommendation of surgery again. That's just something I don't even want to consider at this point. I think about being on the exam table last time and being 30 seconds away from that surgery and the doctor just happened to take a biopsy in the exact right place that called the surgery off. What were the chances of that happening!? Had he of picked another spot to biopsy it probably would've been negative and my life would be changed forever because he would've gone ahead with it all. I feel like I had the chance for that and it wasn't meant to be. I have had several more blood transfusions and they seem to help but only for about a week. They help with muscle cramps, headaches, and the tiredness but as soon as chemo comes back around I'm back to the same ole blahness. I've noticed that it helps to look forward to small events or holidays. It gives me something to count down and I get excited about family and making dorky desserts and pretending like everything is SO exciting for Allie.
I continue to be completely exhausted and sometimes I am okay with it and sometimes I want to bash my head through the wall! Allie still wants to play ALL of the time. I've finally figured out that playing vet or tornado are the easiest. In "Tornado" I pretend to be a tree that got knocked over and it seriously gives me about ten minutes to close my eyes and do nothing. In "Vet" I'm just a sick bird, dog, cat or elephant and do the same and if I'm not ready to get up I just pretend to have another illness. It's seemed to work so far. :) She'll figure out my tricks soon! She's growing so fast and I see myself so much in her...right down to her hard headed attitude.
A couple of weeks ago I forgot to take one of my medications. About 9 pm, Alan and I decided to eat breakfast for dinner. He set off for the store and I played on the internet for a few minutes. When he got backed he yelled for me to do biscuits and he would do the eggs and bacon. So, off I went. I was starving and it looked soooo delicious. He fixed our plates and I got Allie's biscuit all ready. Allie and I set off for the dining room...I had her plate and mine (lots of eggs) and my bottle of Gatorade, of course. Apparently Alan yelled, "Did you get paper towels? SUMMER, Did you get paper towels!?" With no response he rounded the corner and saw me falling with eggs in action. Up went the plate and down came the eggs...all over me as I flopped around in the jelly and whatever else stuck to me. About 30 minutes later, I woke up in a chair with different clothes and Alan yelling, "SUMMER, DRINK THIS! DRINK THIS!" LOL. I wanted to punch him when I saw a bottle of Gatorade being forced in my face. I'm going to the doctor Thursday for that and I pray that we can get it all worked out. I think that may be the worst part of it all.
Treatments are still going. Sometimes good and sometimes not so good. We still go every other Monday and every Sunday night I start getting that feeling of standing in front of ten thousand people and not knowing the speech I need to present. My stomach just turns thinking about it. The doctor talked to us last month about the follow steps of my treatment. He told us that he was thinking of three steps and step one would be really long. Step one being chemo every other week, probably for about another year. He didn't touch on the last two steps but I think one is going to be the recommendation of surgery again. That's just something I don't even want to consider at this point. I think about being on the exam table last time and being 30 seconds away from that surgery and the doctor just happened to take a biopsy in the exact right place that called the surgery off. What were the chances of that happening!? Had he of picked another spot to biopsy it probably would've been negative and my life would be changed forever because he would've gone ahead with it all. I feel like I had the chance for that and it wasn't meant to be. I have had several more blood transfusions and they seem to help but only for about a week. They help with muscle cramps, headaches, and the tiredness but as soon as chemo comes back around I'm back to the same ole blahness. I've noticed that it helps to look forward to small events or holidays. It gives me something to count down and I get excited about family and making dorky desserts and pretending like everything is SO exciting for Allie.
I continue to be completely exhausted and sometimes I am okay with it and sometimes I want to bash my head through the wall! Allie still wants to play ALL of the time. I've finally figured out that playing vet or tornado are the easiest. In "Tornado" I pretend to be a tree that got knocked over and it seriously gives me about ten minutes to close my eyes and do nothing. In "Vet" I'm just a sick bird, dog, cat or elephant and do the same and if I'm not ready to get up I just pretend to have another illness. It's seemed to work so far. :) She'll figure out my tricks soon! She's growing so fast and I see myself so much in her...right down to her hard headed attitude.
A couple of weeks ago I forgot to take one of my medications. About 9 pm, Alan and I decided to eat breakfast for dinner. He set off for the store and I played on the internet for a few minutes. When he got backed he yelled for me to do biscuits and he would do the eggs and bacon. So, off I went. I was starving and it looked soooo delicious. He fixed our plates and I got Allie's biscuit all ready. Allie and I set off for the dining room...I had her plate and mine (lots of eggs) and my bottle of Gatorade, of course. Apparently Alan yelled, "Did you get paper towels? SUMMER, Did you get paper towels!?" With no response he rounded the corner and saw me falling with eggs in action. Up went the plate and down came the eggs...all over me as I flopped around in the jelly and whatever else stuck to me. About 30 minutes later, I woke up in a chair with different clothes and Alan yelling, "SUMMER, DRINK THIS! DRINK THIS!" LOL. I wanted to punch him when I saw a bottle of Gatorade being forced in my face. I'm going to the doctor Thursday for that and I pray that we can get it all worked out. I think that may be the worst part of it all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)