Grouchy :)

I haven't blogged in a while and several have texted and asked me if I packed up and moved to a different country or something.  It seems like nothing has changed but everything has changed! After receiving the best news ever, I celebrated and enjoyed every second of it for about two or three days. Afterwards, I got completely down and blah. It's that I am so excited knowing that these drugs are working and things are looking up, but for now it doesn't change the future. These drugs are basically maintaining things....holding off the enemy but not keeping it away for good.  I feel like there isn't a stopping point to look forward to. It's not 6 more treatments or 20 more treatments...it's forever for now and that's hard to swallow. Getting such good news and then realizing that my life goes on the same....doctor, then doctor, then doctor again. I tell my friends it's like having a full time job! I've had two more blood transfusions since my last blog and that just adds to the frustration of it all. I am so thankful that people give blood. Ive never really thought about it...just donating to be a nice person....but obviously many do it and not for money or any other benefits. I don't know where I would be if those people weren't out there!

I've noticed a slight change in my attitude over the last couple of weeks. I've always been pretty friendly with strangers and generally smile without thinking about it.  I'm always the one that lets people out in traffic, compliments the grocery checker at Walmart, and smiles and plays with little babies that wave at me. Lately....not so much. It's not even that I don't do those things anymore, its that i get frustrated at even the thought of it. I was behind a lady in the grocery store today and we were pushing our carts out the door. She was walking slow and I couldn't get around her...that was bad enough. Apparently it was her day off while she was there and on the way out she saw her co worker and said...."Roooooobert, hey!" For whatever reason, I wanted to start yelling at her and say..."Robert sees you everyday...why is it so important to call his name so he can see you shopping there?...MOVE. NOW....or you aren't going to have skin on the back of your heels. The people that I used to let out in traffic...I pretend I don't see them...and if i happen to let someone out and they don't wave I end up wanting to ram into the back of their vehicle. LOL.  I'm not crazy....I can just tell that I get irritated very easily. I normally don't show it on the outside, but the wheels are constantly turning on the inside!

Easter was great! Allie loved it and when she loves anything, it makes us love it too! When we were walking into church, I was watching her from behind and it reminded me so much of myself 30 years ago running in my grandmother's church just as carefree as I could be...not a worry in the world.  I would give anything for it to be that way again!

Prayer this week is that everything goes as expected at the doctor on Thursday.  I am going to UAMS for an exam and hopefully the doctor will not feel the tumor anymore. I'll know the answer to that right away but I'm also going to have a biopsy done and that will probably take about a week for results. I'll post when I get results.