I haven't felt like writing in forever. Lots of stuff has changed over the last month. I guess I'll make this short and to the point. After having the tumor removed on my bladder we found out that it was indeed cancer that had spread. We were all discouraged by the fact that it had traveled. A month later, which was last Tuesday, I had another PET scan. The scan showed that even though the tumor had been removed, the spot still lit up on the scan. It was still there. Monday during my appointment the doctor told me that he was stalling because he had nothing else to give me. He told us that hopefully the chemo I am having can keep things from moving or at least keep it slow. My question was this, "Am I dying?" He said, "We all die at some point." So I rephrased the question, "Do you think I am dying sooner than later?" He told me that he didn't want to sit around and act like everything was fine. His answer, "Yes". The chemo can only hold cancer in a certain spot for so long. I cried when I heard him say it out loud. I have always known it was a possibility but never heard it come out of anyone's mouth. The last thing he said was, "I'm not God, just a doctor, but a miracle from him is the only thing that can change this." So, each day, sick or not sick, is one more day that I get to spend with Allie Anne. I'm not afraid to die, just afraid of who I am leaving behind.
I get a card in the mail almost every single day. Thank you for all of the support.
